The simple response to this is then you’re still in love with your ex. And yes, that’s O.K. It doesn’t matter what happened in the relationship, you were in love with somebody, and usually, that love just doesn’t disintegrate in an instant. There is a process that you must undergo to heal fully. You have to give yourself the grace and compassion to move into the next chapter in your life with or without this person whom you shared a life with.
The pain of break-ups can be unbearable. If you’re still having trouble with the pain I highly advise you to watch this video by Sadhguru, it was a game changer for me when I watched it. It helped me understand why the pain was so rich and visceral.
My last break-up has been the most difficult of all of my break-ups. I lost more than the person I cherished most in life. I also lost my dignity, my self-respect, my self-worth, love for myself, my connection to my body, my discernment, ME; I lost all trust in myself. So much of who I was completely fell apart. I was forced to break open because of it.
I was obsessively thinking about my ex, what he did the way he viewed me all became the lens of how I experienced my daily life. “He” became the authority of my thoughts and how I saw myself. It was a tortuous way to live. I was already heartbroken, and on top of that, I was unknowingly nurturing a deep well of self-hatred.
Remove the blame
I didn’t like myself; I would try to convince myself that anything was better than being me. It was so difficult to be in this space because I have always really enjoyed the unique, vibrant being that I am. My light had been snuffed out. The essence of who I was was in question.
People made me feel bad for still loving this person, which fed this bigger idea that something must be really wrong with me. It also made me feel constant guilt and anxiety for loving somebody that I was told I “shouldn’t” love.
“If you can love the wrong person that much. Imagine how much you can love the right one.” (from @infinitewaters inspirational IG account! Follow him, he’s amazing and has inspiring high vibrational videos)
The Magic of Healing
As time, my greatest healer, went on my inner wisdom reawakened. As I forced myself to do the work of rebuilding myself and making me my number one priority, beautiful swift changes began to occur. New thoughts of love and peace began to accompany the ugly. I had a revelation, instead of feeling so sorry for loving this person why don’t I just accept it? As soon as I allowed this concept into my brain oceans of healing consumed me. I was no longer in a state of resistance. I had let go. When my ex came into my thoughts, there was no baggage. I was able to look at the idea outside of myself and send him love and more healing back to myself. Much like what I keep saying, which I found out is Rumi who says to view your thoughts as clouds in the sky – manage your feelings, so they don’t trigger an overwhelm of emotion.
This small shift in my thoughts created a ripple effect of positive change in my life that still continues to serve me.
DO the work! I know it’s difficult, and it doesn’t feel good sometimes. It can also get very lonely. As Sadhguru suggested, and I also recommend it, do not to use other people to mend your heart. Reestablish yourself. You are worth it! And if and when you are ready you, will be a much better partner to the new person you will attract into your life. You will be whole and they will inevitably be whole too. Be patient; you are complete on your own bring yourself to the harmony that already lives inside of you.
“I am whole and complete on my own. The love I wish to receive from others is the love I now give to myself.”